Note - This is a story I wrote in 1996 when I discovered the alt.religion.scientology newsgroup (mostly populated by critics of the movement) The story is still valid today, but since then I pretty much dissociated myself with the anti-Scientology movement because I disagree with their exaggerations and the cultish way they attack dissenters within their own rank.c
In the preceding parts I tried to present succinctly some of my basic views on Scn and some of the main reasons behind my decision to part with it. In the next few parts I will go into this again but this time from a more concrete perspective. I will use examples taken out of my own experience in Scn, while limiting the 'biographical' elements to the minimum necessary to understand the examples used.
Right at the end of my secondary school, I started to develop a very strong interest for the 'paranormal'. This interest lead me eventually to esoterist teachings like Theosophy and to thinker like Krishnamurti. I wanted to start 'parapsychology' studies, but since such did not exist at the time, I started studies in psychology, although this was in my mind too materialistic and limited. In parallel, I continued my spiritual investigation and came across several sects. These were relatively fascinating elements and I was actually keeping track on these new movements and comparing them against one and other. At some point along this process, I ran into Scn.
I did the communication course and read a lot of books. I was more than once shocked by the overall generalizations and broad attacks of LRH against everything else. On the other hand, I was wondering about the 'results' Scn claimed to achieve through their techniques. I was familiar with notions such as past lives and exteriorization but had no experiences in these. Scn claimed it could actually produce these experiences. At the same time, the Humanitarian goals were very enticing for the young idealist I was, especially compared to the very little interest I had in the studies I was engaged in.
I did not have the means to start other courses, but had the opportunity to start as a staff member in the group. I hesitated a long time. I was reading all I could about and around Scn and talked to a few people. The information were contradictory. The few articles I found in the newspapers contained many information that were obviously false, like “Scn is using electric shock treatment”, which discredited other information contained in the article that might have been correct. One of the other problem was the contradiction between Theosophy and Scn, but these were relativised by the comparison of Krishnamurti teaching with some of the Scn concepts that were very similar, such as 'is-ness' or 'as-is-ness'. At the end, I could not make my mind based on theoretical information. I decided to see for myself. I dropped University and started on the staff. I was aware from my previous investigation that 'brainwashing' was alleged towards the group, but I was willing to take the risk, because I wanted to know for sure what it was all about.
My initial time in the group was great. We were a bunch of like-minded young idealists with a planetary mission and an active role to play. We were also sharing a common passion for the discovery of a new and enticing field of spiritual realms, of the 'tech' and of 'OT' magnificent perspectives. I was really glad I dropped 'limited wog' studies to engage in such adventure. From time to time we had OT lecturers coming from other countries and we were considering them with awe. One of them, Owen Starkey (spelling not guaranteed), was really an amazingly good showman and lecturer. His ability for impersonalization was extraordinary and we would associate it with OT abilities. We had many questions to put to these OTs, but we knew their scope for answer was limited because of 'confidential' aspects our poor aberrated 'case' could not handle. We were glad when they could at least hint at their ability with remarks such as “yes, if you compare planets between themselves, earth is one of the nicest one”.
The first indication that would lead out of the dream was when two students of ours came back from a trip in Egypt. They were extremely disillusioned. They have done a lot of Scn courses, but could not 'handle' such simple things as children assailing them in the street. They subsequently left Scn. We were a little bit surprised with such a quick judgment, especially since they didn't take up all the courses by far. In fact, I discovered later that there are many people following the same route. But, as a staff member, you just don't know about them, because they don't all 'report in' and because of the Scn policy of 'disconnection' with enemies. Such people were enemies or at least potential enemies, they were a threat to our own 'development' that involved trust that 'Scn works'. They were thus kept out of our reach and it was considered a crime to communicate with them.
Another student went to 'Saint Hill' to do the famous OT levels. I have to say that when she came back she looked absolutely superb, beaming and so much younger. I only saw this phenomenon about 5 or 6 times in the next 5 years, and they were not connected with the OT levels, sometimes not even with Scn. With time, she assumed her normal 'form' again, but worst than that: she went into important problems in her work, presumably caused by 'evil aberrated and suppressive wog'. Today, I have it more that in the few cases were Scn seem to give results at the spiritual level, these are temporary, whether the person is or not in contact with ‘suppressive wogs’. In fact, other people coming back from OT levels did not beam up, they didn't show any sign of their new alleged abilities, they were only making the usual hints about them, sometimes assorted with far less high spiritual remarks on the verse of the questionable, but not enough to rise in us really disturbing questions.
Some time later I found myself in the 'European Center' in Denmark, taking some administrative formation. There were quiet a few OTs there. For the first time I witnessed some OT abilities, but not the way you would expect. There was this OT woman waiting for here baby. She was a 'strong', not really pleasant, character, and she would not be afraid to show off her abilities. Maybe she should have been afraid of that for the good of the Scn myth, but luckily she wasn't. She would say that she is speaking with the thetan that will come inhabit her baby's body. The thetan told her that he will come in at that and that time and that's when the birth will happen. Unfortunately, the timing was not correct, maybe 3 or 4 times in a row, but of course there were plenty of reasons why it didn't work, reasons that you had no means to check. On the other hand, the OT mother also said that it will be a boy. She didn't check this through medical means, I don't know if these were available at the time, she just 'knew' it, and of course she was in communication with the future inhabitant of her son's body. She was so certain of this that she started to make and buy baby-boy things. But when the time of birth actually arrived ... it was a girl!!! I wasn't familiar enough with the mother to know what kind of excuse she will found out this time, but to go wrong on something in which even by pure guessing you would still have a 50% chance to be right, she would really need all of her OT abilities to come up with something that would still make sense!
I came back for some time in the local organization then moved on to be staff in the then so called 'Guardian Office World Wide’ in the UK. This was not only an opportunity to see many an OT, but to see them 'in action' as well. Furthermore, one can also have there plenty of contacts with students on the neighboring Saint Hill organization. It was good that my main purpose in coming there wasn’t to see OTs at work, because really if you don't know that they are OT and that they are supposed to have all these abilities, you would not notice any difference. Actually, you wouldn’t notice any difference either if you knew they were OT. On the other hand, knowing that they are supposed to be somewhat less stupid than us poor humans, you would, if you are like me, jump to the ceiling or climb up the walls upon hearing some of their remarks.
For example, one of these high beings mentioned sometimes, from the top of her all-perceiving wisdom, that "black people must be thetans who did a lot of overt-act in their past lives, otherwise they would not have been reborn as black people". I couldn't believe my ears! I stood there stunned like if hit by lighting, and I am not even black. OK, I understand that there would be ways to interpret this remark in a non-racist way, but it then stroke me as one of the most stupid thing I ever heard and certainly not one befitting a super-human being.
Another remark I remember was that “I used to like Pink Floyd before, but now I find that they are into apathy”. OK, it's a matter of taste, and it's subjective. OK, I disagree because I like Pink Floyd. I heard the same remark about the Adagio of Albinoni, and I disagree for the same reason. But most important, and the reason why I bring it here, is that obviously such remark comes directly from Scn conditioning, where it is fashionable to be 'uptone' and at the level of 'action' (James Bond films are their high intellectual standards), and 'upstat' (Abba style), where something slow (Albinoni) is 'downtone' apathy, and where 'downstat' is associated with drug addicts beatniks. In addition, these persons deluded themselves by thinking that such obvious conditioned response was due to the higher awareness their OT states now offered them. It is a pity that one is bound to judge by such rather unimportant and trivial criteria, but there isn't really much of something else.
Then there was this guy claiming to be a 'native state'. This is a state very few Scientologists know exists. It is supposed to be the 'original' state of the thetan, a state where you just know everything and where you can create anything, a state above any OT state, where actually auditing isn't necessary anymore. I met another 'native state' person of whom I will write later. This other native state person had actually some interesting things to say. But the one here spoken of was really like the other would-be OTs: just a normal person with his qualities and frailties. One day I lend him one of my cassette following a discussion we had about music. He knew it was one of my favorite cassette and that he should give it back after some time. When the time came to return me my precious belonging, he just said that he doesn't have it anymore because he threw it away!!! I am not making this up, I don't have enough imagination for this. It's a kind of behavior one would never accept from a 'normal' person. Now what about someone claiming to be half a God?
As a final example, we had, during some leisure time in the garden, Jane Kember (spelling not guaranteed) herself as an afternoon guest. She was then *The* Guardian itself, on top of the whole Guardian Office. You would think that with such a person you will spend an interesting and elevated afternoon. Think again. She couldn't speak three words without putting in the middle the word 'SP'. During this afternoon, she would qualify so many nations as “the worst fucking SPs in the world” that one would end up loosing one’s geography.
I took here some of the more striking examples. I could also speak, for example, of this guy who’s OT-wife died from cancer. Almost everyday there were small things happening, that more and more clearly indicated that if there was anything behind the OT concept, it was so remote from the claimed results as to make it quasi uninteresting, especially in comparison with the amount of cash you had to pay for it or the amount of hours and extra hours you had to invest as a staff member. The fact that the results were not there was to become even more obvious and dramatically more open with the 'advent' of 'Dianetic Clear' and 'NED for OT', which I will deal with in the next part.
Of course you could not speak about all this. You don’t speak about your or other’s cases, you don’t emit doubts towards OTs, clears, LRH, Mary Sue, Scn. Such doubts are crimes. You may speak to your auditor or the ‘ethic officer’, who will then find what is wrong with *you*. Even worse, you prevent yourself to even have thoughts about these doubts, because the E-meter will find them out. You mentally slap your own face to drive such evil thoughts away. In addition, you believe yourself that this is correct. I remember upon being told that someone was standing on the front of Saint Hill’s classroom and was telling people entering the area that Scn and the OT levels didn’t work. I was really shocked. I asked: "Why didn’t they immediately remove this crazy man from there and kick the hell out of him? What an overt and suppressive act!”
At the end of my stay in Saint Hill, however, I had very little faith left in the all-powerful OTs, or in Scn results for that matter. Not only because of the above but also because of what I will develop in the next parts of this series. At this point, a last opportunity for Scn arouse. I was watching a golf game on television. Not that I know a lot about golf, but this guy was really flying. He would hit the target with precision, would walk about the golf course with such a relaxed elegance and charisma that there was really something happening between him, the public and the game. When I went back to Saint Hill, I saw some newspaper article on the bulletin board. It was about a famous golfer who lost its abilities and found them back thanks to Scn. The article said that he came into Scn when, speaking with a friend about his problem, the friend, a Scientologist, asked him “what do you try to do when you hit the ball?”. He said “I try to make a good shot” and the friend asked “aren’t you supposed, rather, to put the ball in the hole?”. This remark was the start of his involvement in Scn which, through processes, gave him back his ability to play, and more, wrote they. I was again ‘revitalized’. “Wow! This must be this amazing guy I just saw on television. Now *that’s* the kind of things I needed. Scn is right after all.” I noted carefully his name and rushed back in front of my TV set. But of course it wasn’t him. He wasn’t in fact anywhere in the race. The dream started to fade away for good.
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